Disclaimer and Chpt 4

Disclaimer:
I have been receiving a lot of criticisms over the post series that I began about my coming out affair with Annie (if I may be so bold as to use the lesbian term). Yeah I'm being bold I guess. I want to make it clear if anyone has found themselves offended by what I'm writing I deeply apologize. For readers who are confused please see the comments left on Chpt 3. If you are in any way offended by what I'm writing I have several suggestions;

1. Don't read my blog. There are much more offensive things on the Internet that you might consider viewing.

2. Ignore my spelling mistakes. I am actually dyslexic. I have been diagnosed by a doctor, have a medical card which states so and have been receiving continual accommodations through my schooling including private tutoring. So hey fucktards my spelling and grammar might not be perfect,I'm trying, I use spell check but I also don't have a professional editor. This is armature writing!!!! BE WARE; Read at Your Own Risk.

3. Finally, if you can't restrain yourself from reading my blog and just can't get over my thousands of grammatical errors then GFY. Sorry I love the Internet and all it has to offer. I'm not going to be discouraged. Just be glad I'm not considering turning it into a book.

I would also like it to be known that Annie, who I so commonly refer to has on multiple occasions vigorously supported the work that I'm doing here. She supports me 100%. The story will mainly be about me and her with only infrequent references to other people who were at the camp.

And so without further delay:

Chpt 4 One Hoe Down

I like a good hoe down like the next girl and I've been to my fair share of square dances but this particular square dance would be one remembered not because of the caller, the great country music or the cute country boys. This square dance would stick in my mind as the turning point whenever thing I had know, the stability in my life would begin to unravel. The days following the square dance I would begin to question everything in my life that was good and stable. It was the night Annie told me she was gay.

The build up to this event was short but very important. I had just learned only several days before that Annie had just gotten out of a serious relationship. She only mentioned her breakup briefly and like all sneaky lesbians she did not mention the gender of the person she had broken up with, so naturally I assume (in my ever so straight mind frame) that she had broken up with her boyfriend. The facts were they had been together for two-ish years, the break up was a long time coming but was facilitated by Annie leaving for camp and she was still obviously in some pain but happy to get away from the drama.

The idea of Annie dating a boy for two years just didn't settle right in my stomach for some stranger reason. (Perhaps it was foreshadowing to the coming romance.) I just couldn't imagine what kind of man Annie would date. Certainly not a jock cause she was to unconventional for a Tennessee football player. She wouldn't date a band geek cause she would have been bored, nor a genius brainyak, not a gamer, an artist or even a deadbeat drop out junkie. There was something just really really wrong the idea of Annie having been in a two year relationship with a boy. It's hard to describe it any other way but it was just a gut feeling I had.

This feeling was justified when, sitting on a bail of hay, watching the other counselors whir around, all of us with cowboy hats on, and with a stick of hay in my mouth did Annie lean into me and say, "I'm gay". It was a simple statement but I know her heart must have been pounding. It's the most nerve racking experience to tell someone regardless of if it's a stranger or your mom that you're gay. I looked straight at her, paused and said "oh, that's cool"
OMG I KNOW!!!! Probably the lamest response possible. It makes me cringe. And I though I don't remember exactly, I most likely followed it up with something like "my roommate is gay." I was trying to show support without being overly excited and enthusiastic. But wow what a stupid response. My actions and words later would clarify my real feelings so I'm not sweating it : )

I felt honored that Annie had to told me and only me that she was gay. She trusted me. It wasn't for many weeks that other counselors began to find out that she was gay. Annie may correct me but I do believe she had felt the need to tell someone and get the burden off her chest.

We sat on the barrel of hay for a while longer, watching the dancers. When I did finally join in, I didn't concentrate on the steps, the music or my partner. I was distracted by Annie. For the first time I was allowing myself to acknowledge the feelings that were coming over me. When I looked at Annie, I no longer looked at her as a friend, I began to feel something more. Though only in its infancy I knew that my relationship with Annie was special and like nothing I had experienced before.