Miley Cyrus: My Two Cent

Well I just have to give you my two cents on this whole 'giant lesbian photo scandal'. Miley what are you doing my dear? Please can everyone look at this photo?

I'm really glad that Miley is such a good role model for the young lesbian girls of America. Has HRC considered using her as their post girl for the under 18 demographic? I think they should! She is filled with wholesome, christian values and bicuriousity.
So Miss Miley: " I'm coming out, I want the world to know (via an Internet photo scandal) I've got to let it show (and it's showing) I've got to let it go!"

p.s. laura m is aaaamazing

Family Holiday Card

My family doesn't have many traditions, but we do have one which we hold very near and dear to our hearts: the holiday family post card. When we were little my mom worked very hard to make our holiday photo one of a perseene family filled with love and joy. But in the last few years, our holiday card has gone down hill.

*2004*

May your holiday be filled with joy and love. Best wishes for the New Year!

* 2005 *

Hope your holiday was better then ours: Things were a little shitty

*2006*

Belated Wishes For the Holidays. We just got sprung.

*2007*

We came were at the clinic but wanted to send holiday joy your way.

I'm a security threat

I'm kicking myself right now, why didn't I just ask her out? Cause I'm chicken shit maybe. maybe not so much

Actually let me start from the beginning:

I spent the last ten days in Tampa Bay visiting my grandma for the holidays. I totally love flying so much. It's strange but true, everything about flying makes me ridiculously happy. The security, the protection, the take-off. ITS GREAT!!! If I could fly every week I would (this semester I almost succeeded too)

So I'm going through security when I was 'randomly' selected for further security checks. I smiled politely and thought to myself, "This is cause I'm wearing my turban isn't it." I can't go anywhere anymore without being harassed for wearing my turban. GDI It's turban Tuesday!My friend Peter suggested it's lesbian discrimination and honestly with the short hair cut, leather wrist ban, wife beater and softball mitt, he's probs right.

Maybe you like many Americans haven't been flying lately, so I'll give you a quick update. They now have these amazing new security things you walk through instead of a medal detector. It's like a stand up tanning bed, but instead of getting a nice brown tan, you get shot full of air. It's a real pleasure :)
So this machine, I set it off. Cause I'm so ridiculously good looking. Reedickulously gooood looking

I get a pat-down. But man was it H-O-T. The security personnel Ann was a real sweetheart. She was so kind and respectful, after all it was my first time. She asked me if I wanted to do it in private. (I'm not joking at all those where the exact words out of her mouth) "do you want to do this in private?"

I told her I wanted to do it private *wink wink*. She starts patting me down. Starting at my back, working down to my legs. Ann didn't neglect a single inch of my body!!!! Oh Ann

Meanwhile my entire family has passed through security and is laughing hysterically at me. My brother is making dirty gestures my way. Wow do I have good luck or what? When Ann finished patting me down she looked deep into my eyes and I quote "I can tell your athletic" COME ON LADY! I'm a sucker for a women in a uniform. Well we were only half done, she still had to test all of my stuff for 'bomb powder'. (see picture above)

Ann this is for you!




"There's so many times Ive let you down
So many times Ive played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
Every place I go, Ill think of you"

Tis the Season For Breaking Up

I just checked my phone and got a text from my friend Mitch which says "So me and Val broke up" WTF This is only one such text messages-slash-phone calls I've received in the month of December.

SERIOUSLY! There is something about the holidays which makes people uneasy and wanna break free? Maybe there's something in the eggnog. I know of 4 former couples who have within the last month broken up. (myself included) To protect identities I won't get into the details, but I was thinking:
So why is it?

• We're cheap mofos that's why! Christmas comes around and we realize "I don't like her enough to actually buy a present. What's it gonna cost me 30, 40 buck! Mmmmm why am I with her again?".... BREAKUP

• Or worse Hanukkah! Eight nights of presents. Now we're talking hundreds, thousands of George W's. ....BREAKUP
  

• Family. She to embarrassing to meet my family. She has the gay nickname for me and I out of excuses of why she can't meet them.... BREAKUP

• "Is that my girlfriend or Santa Claus? Badunk-a-dunk!"
  

• I'm saving my new years kiss for someone else.... BREAKUP

How to safe guard your relationship for the holiday breakup blues? I'm still looking for the magic pill. Until then I'm proud to say I've got 99 problems but a B*tch aint one! Musical Interlude!



"So I pull over to the side of the road
I heard "Son do you know why I'm stoppin' you for?"
Cause I'm young and I'm black and my hats real low?
Do I look like a mind reader sir, I don't know!
"Well you was doin fifty-five in a fifty-fo' "
-My Holiday Anthem

12 Steps for a painful breakup

After my last breakup I thought I should share the simple strategy:

12-steps How to make a breakup as painful as possible.
If you follow these easy steps you will never get over the breakup!

1. Call/text/think about her a lot, when she does answer the phone and you start to have a conversation pretend that everything is ok.
2. Make a list of every reason she was your soul mate and read it aloud daily
3. Make a scrap book to commemorate your relationship
4. Loop ‘your song’ on your ipod
5. Eat a lot, do a lot of drugs and drink away your sorrow
6. Call her drunk as often as possible, this will insure that she knows you’re in pain and still a cheap date.
7. Tell her family and friends how much you miss her
8. Keep reminding yourself you will be alone forever
9. Eat alone at every restaurant you went to together (for extra pain order the same meal)
10. Make a conscious effort not to meet new girls. If you do meet new girls who show interest in you be sure to sabotage the relationship asapal.
11. Spend your Saturday nights at home, holding a pillow and watching Brokeback mountain
12. Follow her every move on the internet. Including myspace, facebook, googling her name and reading her blogs. If you can read her e-mail DO IT!
    

If you follow these simple steps you will be misserable forever, just the way you want it!

Welcome To the Circus

Welcome one and all! Children, adults, monkeys:
This is officially the first post I hope in the long line of many to come. Don't expect this blog to be a sappy, meticulous retelling of my life. Cause honestly my life is to to to complex and private. Instead it's going to be the greatest place on earth. (YES to answer your question there will be free popcorn during intermission!)

The word of the day: Welcome
Welcome to my blog blueheeren. The following exciting things are to follow:

• Vlogging (probs my favorite word to say)
• Word of the day
• Videos
• Lesbian Jokes
• Clowns
• Fire eating humans

and no blog is complete without a musical interlude. This video just happens to be one of my fav. Notice that it is one complete take! I've played this video a butt load of times since I discovered it. Even my x-gf had to admit it was kinda really awesome. Even though only god knows what the costume designer was smoking at the time.



NOTE: Leslie Fiest is by far the worst dancer in the video. But like a real pop icon, her lack of dancing skills haven't inhibited her. Britney doesn't have much rhythm either as she demonstrated at the vma. So for all those wanna be dancer/singers... just learn to sing or at least kinda sing, wear sequence and you'll be a super star one day!



"sweetheart, bitter heart,
now you can't tell them apart."